Legendary warming house attendant Todd fills you in on the latest rumors and speculation circulating around town.

“If there’s one thing I know, it’s boot hockey and camaros “

GLBHA Commissioner Key Largo was overheard placing several phone calls to various NHL ticket offices, asking each of them if they knew if Commissioner Gary Bettman was going to get fired soon, and if so, who he needed to talk to in order to apply to be the NHL Commissioner.

That was Duff O’Hallahan peaking at the clearance polo shirts at Marshall’s on Sunday afternoon. Duff had been on house arrest for his 4th DWI conviction until earlier this week.

Alpha-Falun winger Curtis Winters was fined $500 by the league for violating the GLBHA’s social media policy.

As a means to reform the current vulgar image of the GLBHA, Bobby Key Largo has reached out to GLBHA star players. Look of Landfall Flyers Captain Lance Svengaard to launch his new anti-bullying campaign Friends Against Gay Slurs on the Suburban Community Channel public access tv show Hard Corner.

That was Bruno Taco slamming beers in the parking lot of the Apple Valley Ice Arena about one hour before his cousin was arrested for DWI while operating the Zamboni. Bruno’s cousin affectionately called the Zamboni “The White Eagle Express”.  Bruno’s cousin was also quoted as saying “this machine runs on pure gasoline!” while pointing to his crotch.

Lance Svengaard was recently arrested for indecent exposure. According to the police report, Svengaard “mistakenly” placed his erect penis in a glory hole, and muttered the words “it won’t suck itself” at a local university restroom. Svengaard stated that it was all a misunderstanding, and claims that his erect penis accidentally fell into the hole while he was under the influence of Dramamine.

Word has it Ace Chicago won a $250 bar tab at Foxxy’s Bar & Grill near Spooner, WI for best costume. Ace dressed as an One Eared Elephant. It probably helped that all of the judges were single females.

Look for Askov, MN to receive an expansion franchise if the school district levy is not passed in Spooner, WI. The new team would likely be named the Lava. https://boothockeydigest.wordpress.com/2011/10/23/close-vote-expected-in-spooner-school-levy-vote-white-eagles-home-ice-in-jeopardy/ There is a 85% chance that Ace Chicago’s first Twitter post will involve three chicks, Wisconsin Dells, Boner Fuel and a bottle of hot sauce.  Look for him @Ace_Chicago Look for Purple Panther double curved hockey sticks to be officially banned by the BHPA this upcoming season. They have always been legal, but players who used them during games were stereotyped as douches.    Overheard at Roddy’s by an anonymous player: “The Lothsen Cup was bullshit this year. You can’t decide a championship with uneven teams” That wasn’t a real domestic dispute at Sidewinders last Thursday night: Bruno Taco and former KMSP star Robyne Robinson were filming a court-ordered PSA! Look for these two to team up on another project soon. Sorry Boot Hockey Fans, EA Sports has officially decided against making a Boot Hockey video game in 2012. More bad news: The International Olympic Committee has rejected Boot Hockey as a medal sport for the eighth consecutive time. Paul Szybyzko is back on the trading wire. The Withrow Warriors are apparently the latest team to be fed up with the self-proclaimed “T.O. of Boot Hockey”. Szybyzko has threatened to hold out this season as the Warriors are refusing to add another year (and ten White Castle hamburgers) to his contract. While Szybyzko’s agent Max Steele addressed the media assembled in his yard, Paul stripped down to his boxers and did jumping jacks in the driveway. Look for the Spooner White Eagles to add retired Hall of Famer H. John Bridges to their staff. He’ll be scouting games in between beer deliveries and child support hearings. Ace Chicago just purchased a sweet 78 Pontiac Trans Am Bandit with T-tops. The purchase was made possible through a new boot sponsorship with Sorel.  Falun-Alpha Whirlwinds winger Jed Burt recently enrolled in online courses at National American University. Burt plans to get his degree and set himself free in the Tourism & Hospitality Management Program.           Don’t be surprised if Dickie Douch’e has his driver’s license revoked for 90 days after his recent DUI arrest, and yes, that was legendary Boot Hockey Hall of Famer Derek Douch’e seen picking up his two sons at the police department.         Look for Cincinnati, IA to announce that they have been awarded an expansion franchise.    That was Bobby Key Largo at Whiskey Joe’s Bar in Siren, WI last  Sunday with Ms. Burnett County. He was later 86″ from the bar for asking female patrons “do you want to buy a ticket for my meat raffle?”    Ace Chicago was spotted last Saturday on the East Side at Cherry Pit, drinking shots with two broads. Rumor has it he went 2-for-2 if you know what I mean.